The Good Stuff We Should Talk About More

Perks are not talked about often in the polyam community. We spend more of our time talking about the pitfalls or struggles that pop up. We talk about red flags, stress the importance of open and honest communication, and poke a little fun at the stereotypes that are foisted upon us. I think we need to spend more time talking about the highlights, without letting them get overshadowed by the hard parts. I can be guilty of it too. Have you read my last two posts? (You can find them here and here, if you haven’t.) This is my attempt to highlight some of the good stuff.

All about the perks!

This month started out on a sad note for us. Bats found a new place and moved out of our little overcrowded house. And it instantly felt emptier. But then life threw all sorts of events and plans at us and we were just too busy to think about it. We all took a breath and took advantage of the time apart. Before we knew it, a whole week had passed and it was time to get back together for the weekend. A new routine was forged without us realizing it.

That first weekend was spent supporting the girls at their last concert of the year, and celebrating Munchkin’s birthday. It was full of laughter and love and so many balloons! Which brings us to one of the perks the polyam community doesn’t talk about enough.

More people to celebrate with

Because of Covid, and our already busy schedule, we decided to forgo a friends birthday party for Munchkin. I made a cake (thank you Pillsbury!) and the girls decorated it. The night before, Lovey, Bats, and I wrapped the mountain of gifts (I swear they tripled while they were hiding in the closet) and blew up all the balloons we could find. Red came over later that day, bringing her own gift for Munchkin. Boyfriend had his hands full with his kiddos that weren’t feeling the best, so he wasn’t able to come. But he did send plenty of birthday wishes.

Between the balloons and his favorite people, Munchkin was over the moon that day. And my momma heart was overflowing for him.

Support is everything.

Another perk that doesn’t get enough air time, in my opinion, is the support. And I’m not just talking about the supportive partner that cheers you on from the sidelines while you try your hand at flirting after so many years. You know, like Hiccup giving Toothless an enthusiastic thumbs up from the bushes when they meet Light Fury. (You can watch the adorable scene from How To Train Your Dragon 3 here if you’re not familiar with it.) I’m talking about the support you get from your village when you reach a goal, cross something off your bucket list, score a new job, or struggle with just staying afloat.

This past year has given a lot of us a lot of struggle. But our family has also been blessed with the space and time to accomplish some amazing things. This blog, for one. And the support I have gotten from Lovey, from Bats, from Boyfriend, and from Red has been what has helped. Could I have done this new scary thing without them? Possibly. But it has been infinitely easier and less scary with their support.

Conquering mountains

I was also able to finally finish a first draft because of my little polycule’s support. I have been a writer what feels like all of my life. Growing up, I had 2 passions: singing and writing. And since no music producers ever showed up to sign me the record deal of a lifetime, my focus turned to writing, either with friends or on my own. I never finished the stories I started by myself. Until this year. Because I finally had the support I needed, and the time and space to do it. I had cheerleaders in my corner urging me to finish this story. They were there to listen to ideas or complaints. And they were there to push me to sit in that chair and actually do it.

This past weekend we all crossed an item off our bucket list as well, even if we didn’t know it was on the list in the first place. Lovey signed us up for a fundraiser run for our local zoo. Our zoo that happens to be situated on the side of a mountain. 2 miles up the mountain, and then another 2 back down. A good mile of that was in the rain. It was hard. And I wanted to quit so many times. But I didn’t because I had my support with me. Crumbs even joined us. And I could not be prouder of her for tackling this huge thing with us. Supporting her and cheering her on kept me going as well. Nothing like a hike up a dang mountain to bring people closer together.

The best of all the perks!

Lastly, at least for this post, is petamours. Why do we not talk about these more? I think they are the best perk of polyamory.

What is a petamour? It’s your partner’s pet. Or, in my case, it’s my metamour’s pet. Barkley is Bats’ dog. And he is the sweetest fluffiest little pooch I have met in a very long time. He would come over to visit every once in a while, much to the annoyance of our resident kitties. Everybody loves him. And we are all bummed that he can’t be with us right now. But he is a big part of our plans to find that perfect house for all of us.

Petamours are great. Who doesn’t want more animals to love?  They let you experience the joy of having a pet if you aren’t able to have one where you live. You have the opportunity to meet new critters you maybe wouldn’t otherwise have. Dating someone who is into Bearded Dragons? Congratulations, you’re a lizard person now. Always wanted a bird, but your landlord doesn’t allow pets of any kind? You’re next partner or metamour may have one that you can love. Going out of town and don’t want to board your poor anxious doggo? Polycules are there for you!

Polyamory has so many perks. And we should share them a lot more than we do. What are your favorite perks?


13 Fun New Date Night Ideas for Twosomes and Moresomes

It’s February! And that means Valentine’s Day is right around the corner. Whether you choose to mark the annual lover’s holiday or not, it is a good reminder to check in our relationships and maybe plan a date night. I don’t know about you guys, but date nights for us are rare things. So seeing all the store displays of chocolates and hearts and teddy bears gives us a good excuse to really try to make the time for us.

February also makes it easier to try new places or activities because everyone seems to have date night specials going on. The only drawback for those of us living the polyamorous life is that they are couple-centric. A little creativity can sometimes net you that discount though. Such as doubling up on date nights with multiple partners and/or metamours. Or using the group discounts, if your polycule is large enough to meet the minimum number of people.

Even with all these specials, it can still be hard to think of fun and new date night ideas. Falling into a rut is fairly common. Lovey and I, and Boyfriend and I, are definitely guilty of that. So this year, we are resolving to try new things. If you need some ideas, like I did, keep on reading. There is something for everyone. On a budget? I found several free options! Have to take the kiddos with you? I get it, which is why there are also several that are kid friendly. Looking for something that is good for a couple or moresome? I’ve got some ideas there too.


Shopping – I’m not talking about your everyday shopping trip for household stuff. Nor am I referring to those fun trips to the adults only shop. I’m talking about a special trip to a place near and dear to your relationship. For example, I love bookstores. Lovey is not a huge reader, but he enjoys when we read together. So occasionally it is nice to wander the stacks and find a new book for us share. Plus, our local bookstore has an amazing coffee shop attached. And this girl loves her coffee.

Take a free class – Youtube has free lessons available for lots of different interests. Language, dance, cooking, etc. Skillshare is a great site that also offers a lot of free lessons you can try together, all from the convenience of your home. For local events to get you out of the house, you can check out Eventbrite.

Museum or gallery showing – Some of these have discounted or free days a few times a year. They usually fill up fast though, so be sure to plan ahead by securing tickets early or arriving when they open.


Get creative – Places like Color Me Mine and Painting with a Twist are great options. You get to do something fun and creative, regardless of skill level, with your whole polycule.

Shoot some pool – Lovey likes playing pool. And I like watching him. The nice part is going on weeknights, when the crowds are much smaller. And there is plenty of opportunity for some flirting and conversation.

Geocaching – It’s kind of like a giant treasure hunt. It gets you all out and exploring your local area. For more info on how it works, or how to get started, check them out here.

Hiking – Great for all skill levels. And there is nothing like finding a quiet spot for a little romantic spontaneous photo shoot while your surrounded by nature.

Game night – Go for a classic like Monopoly or try a cooperative game like 5 Minute Dungeon. Not big on board games? Try cards, some poker or rummy. Or, fire up the console and try some multi-player video games.


Mini golf – Giant animals? Trick shots? What’s not to love about mini golf? Plus, most have concessions on site so you can even grab a quick bite to eat.

Bowling – There is something about bowling alleys that just bring back memories of high school, at least for me. Gooey nachos and rented shoes shouldn’t be as much of a good time as it is.

Arcade – I’m not talking about Chuck E. Cheese. Nothing against the mouse, but I prefer my arcades with a few more adult options. And there are plenty out there that offer a little something for everyone.

Scavenger hunt – Make up your own or print out a list from the interwebs. There are so many out there! These are especially fun if your out at your local nature center or on a hike. But they can be just as fun indoors, at home on those not so nice weather days, so don’t let that stop you.

Craft night – No fancy supplies needed! You can use up things you have around the house to create something unique. And it can be a group effort, or everyone can make their own little something.

So there you have it! My short list of fun new date night ideas. A lot of these can be adjusted depending on your what your family looks like. Try them out, explore your town, and support some local businesses. I promise fun all around.

Let me know which ones you guys are going to try out!