“Girls, your dad and I are dating again.”
“And we are also going to be dating other people.”
That’s about how it went when we told our girls (Sass and Crumbs) that we were going to be Polyamorous.
Questions popped up of course. Some just logistics (Will we get to meet them? Where will we be if you’re both on dates?) Some plain old curiosity. And some – the big ones – were all about reassurance. Do you still love each other? Will you still stay together?
Pretty sure the divorce played more into those questions than our new dating arrangements.
All we could do was show them that this was going to be a positive experience for all of us. We were open and honest about everything. No surprises. Everything was right there on the table before anything happened.
We kept our normal routines. And made new ones when (finally) we were all under the same roof once more. We talked about dating, about new people we were talking to. We answered more questions. Kids seem to always have an endless supply of them, no matter the topic.
The biggest test was when I started going on actual dates. Lovey had dated a few times already. He was living in another city (we were long distance for a little bit there) so it wasn’t as in their face. Not to mention, they were (and still are) Momma’s Girls. And now there was, potentially, a new man coming into their lives taking up more of my time and attention. And was Dad really okay with this? Yes, of course he was. We had talked about it for so long by then that it was no longer a question for us. But, understandably, it was for them.
Even with all of the talking Lovey and I had done, it was still a little weird to start. I had maintained for a while that I wasn’t really interested in dating anyone. Which slowly evolved to not interested in dating men, to maybe just the right man. Enter Boyfriend. Lovey met him after our first date. And they hit it off, as I knew they would. (And let me tell you, nothing will point out your “type” faster than polyamory!)
Boyfriend & Bats
The girls insisted on meeting him right away. So, with Lovey’s blessing, Boyfriend came to pick me up for our first date, and we all walked around the block to the sitter’s. They were mostly quiet, as is their nature around new people. They asked a few questions, made a few comments. But mostly just observed. Boyfriend, to his credit, let them lead.
Lovey had had a few dates with different women over all this time. And then he met Bats. And they fit right into our life as if they had always been. They stepped in with Munchkin, helping to wrangle or cuddle depending on the mood. They reached out to Sass and Crumbs, offering friendship and a safe space.
The Kids are Alright
The girls’, for the most part, have simply accepted it all with grace and minimal complaining. Any mention of dates or any displays of affection has been met with the obligatory eye rolls and resounding sighs of “ugh, grown ups dating.” And for that, we are so grateful.
We were open from the get go with them. There were no dumb or off limits questions. They could meet our partners when they were ready. If they were uncomfortable, they said so. We listened. To concerns, to questions, to whatever they were thinking and feeling about it all.
And now… It is their normal. Munchkin has never known any different. We are a polyamorous family. And that’s just the way we like it.
Did you have to “come out” to your kids? How did they handle it? How did you? Share below! And don’t forget to subscribe so you don’t miss out on new posts!