Categories
Family Polyamory

We’re Dating Again and the Kids are Alright

“Girls, your dad and I are dating again.”

“Yay!”

“And we are also going to be dating other people.”

“Ummm…”

That’s about how it went when we told our girls (Sass and Crumbs) that we were going to be Polyamorous.

Questions popped up of course. Some just logistics (Will we get to meet them? Where will we be if you’re both on dates?) Some plain old curiosity. And some – the big ones – were all about reassurance. Do you still love each other? Will you still stay together?

Pretty sure the divorce played more into those questions than our new dating arrangements.

All we could do was show them that this was going to be a positive experience for all of us. We were open and honest about everything. No surprises. Everything was right there on the table before anything happened.

We kept our normal routines. And made new ones when (finally) we were all under the same roof once more. We talked about dating, about new people we were talking to. We answered more questions. Kids seem to always have an endless supply of them, no matter the topic.

Dating Again

The biggest test was when I started going on actual dates. Lovey had dated a few times already. He was living in another city (we were long distance for a little bit there) so it wasn’t as in their face. Not to mention, they were (and still are) Momma’s Girls. And now there was, potentially, a new man coming into their lives taking up more of my time and attention. And was Dad really okay with this? Yes, of course he was. We had talked about it for so long by then that it was no longer a question for us. But, understandably, it was for them.

Even with all of the talking Lovey and I had done, it was still a little weird to start. I had maintained for a while that I wasn’t really interested in dating anyone. Which slowly evolved to not interested in dating men, to maybe just the right man. Enter Boyfriend. Lovey met him after our first date. And they hit it off, as I knew they would. (And let me tell you, nothing will point out your “type” faster than polyamory!)

Boyfriend & Bats

The girls insisted on meeting him right away. So, with Lovey’s blessing, Boyfriend came to pick me up for our first date, and we all walked around the block to the sitter’s. They were mostly quiet, as is their nature around new people. They asked a few questions, made a few comments. But mostly just observed. Boyfriend, to his credit, let them lead.

Lovey had had a few dates with different women over all this time. And then he met Bats. And they fit right into our life as if they had always been. They stepped in with Munchkin, helping to wrangle or cuddle depending on the mood. They reached out to Sass and Crumbs, offering friendship and a safe space.

The Kids are Alright

The girls’, for the most part, have simply accepted it all with grace and minimal complaining. Any mention of dates or any displays of affection has been met with the obligatory eye rolls and resounding sighs of “ugh, grown ups dating.” And for that, we are so grateful.

We were open from the get go with them. There were no dumb or off limits questions. They could meet our partners when they were ready. If they were uncomfortable, they said so. We listened. To concerns, to questions, to whatever they were thinking and feeling about it all.

And now… It is their normal. Munchkin has never known any different. We are a polyamorous family. And that’s just the way we like it.

Did you have to “come out” to your kids? How did they handle it? How did you? Share below! And don’t forget to subscribe so you don’t miss out on new posts!

Categories
Polyamory

How is the Covid-19 Pandemic Impacting Polyamorous Relationships?

The Covid-19 pandemic has its quarantine fingers in every pie, it seems. Social distancing and mask wearing are a part of most of our daily lives now. For monogamous folx, household units haven’t had to change their interactions with each other much. For polyamorous folx on the other hand…

Suddenly a whole new layer of safety protocols need to be considered. A community that already has (mostly) mastered communication about tricky topics, Covid-19 has provided new areas for us to explore and tackle.

Specific Covid-19 Things to Ask

  • Who do we isolate with?
  • Can we see other partners, if we aren’t isolating with them?
  • How often can we see them?
  • What if you are living alone?
  • What if you have kids?
  • What if they have kids?
  • What if someone tests positive?

Lovey and I had the easy part of already living together with our children. But our partners? Bats lives alone but doesn’t drive. So Lovey, of course, committed himself to help them out getting to and from work and appointments and what not. Being in the restaurant biz, they were essential and continued to work through it all. And since Bats was isolating and distancing from everyone else in their life (as much as possible), we all collectively decided the risk of hanging out and including them in our own isolation bubble was low.

Boyfriend is in the caretaker biz, so also essential. However the risk posed was a little higher. He has his own kids and roommates to take into consideration too. More people means more exposure. So we refrained from seeing each other in person for the first month, during the worst of the outbreak (to date). It sucked. (Boy, did it suck.) But it passed and we were all safer for it.

Now, post-first surge and initial quarantine, we are trying to return to some sort of new normal. Which means limited activities and lots of mask wearing, hand washing, and sanitizing. But it also means showing grace when we just need to get out and do something fun, like a trip to a museum for a special exhibit. Or to see the new baby animals at the zoo. Or to have a night out and go on a date.

Dating

I know many others out there are thinking about dating again. Whether that means dates out with current partners or new dates with new people. And what about group meetings? We can only decide for ourselves, knowing our own risks.

For us: we see each other and our partners whenever possible. We social distance when out on dates. We are not meeting new people for dates. We wear our masks and wash our hands. We are not starting new relationships. We talk and meet people online but no new in person stuff. Because we want to be safe. And stop the spread of this virus so life can look closer to what it once was, sooner rather than later.

We hope you guys are doing the same. For the latest guidelines, I encourage you to check out the CDC’s website. And for closer to home recommendations, please look to your local Health Department.

Tell me how you are dealing with dating during Covid-19? Are you pursuing new relationships? How are you maintaining your existing relationships, and caring for your partners? How are you caring for yourself?